Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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