I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
