it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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