my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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