Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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