that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
