I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
