Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
