so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
