Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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