just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
