You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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