okay pat passed out under dana's car
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize