You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
