I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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