How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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