dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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