I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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