Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
