He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
