normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
