my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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