So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
