I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
