How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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