I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
