theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He shit in the fireplace
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
