she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
