Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have fence marks all over my body
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
