Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
