Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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