Swine flu. Run for my life!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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