I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
