You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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