His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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