"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
