Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
