i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
