yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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