I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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