i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
