Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
