I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
