she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
