I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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