He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
