Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
