i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
