the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
