I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
